So what exactly is a “friend with benefits?” A friend with benefits is someone you get to have sex with, no strings attached. There’s no expensive dinners, no roses and no being home on time required. It is a mutually beneficial relationship with a friend or acquaintance where you don’t get to take them out on a date, but you do get to call them at 1 a.m. when the bar closes to see if they want to hook up.
Unfortunately, old sexual standards ensure that the friends-with-benefits choice isn’t really yours at the end of the day. The woman, as usual, gets to call the shots (assuming you have done your footwork). All you can do is make sure she knows that you’re willing, ready and able. This entails giving straightforward clues as to your wishes and desires to be friends with benefits.
The rules of being friends with benefits must be mutually agreeable, because if one of you isn’t getting what you want, the relationship is worthless. If one of you starts to have feelings for the other -- well you can deal with that when and if the time comes, but remember there are many things to consider when approaching a potential friend for benefits.
How do I get a friend with benefits?
Friends with benefits are sometimes very hard to find. This is because it takes an open and sexual person who is in a particular stage of their life to be up for it. You get to have a friend with benefits by asking for it indirectly -- subtlety is the key.
Test the waters
When you think that you have met a suitable ”friend,” find out where she is in her life. Lack of appropriate relationship material or a recent break up, priorities in travel or a career or simply enjoying ones freedom are all reasons why people may want to become friends with benefits and avoid the ”I love you” disclaimer. So, the conversations that you have with her should be about her attitudes toward sex, relationships (and the typical dramas that accompany them), being single and how you both find it, etc. It should be fairly easy to tell if she is open about sex, if she misses having regular sex, and if she is keen for some company.
Your next move will be to tell her about you, in charming, but not uncertain terms. Ensure that she knows you are definitely not looking for a girlfriend and that you find it such a shame that it’s so hard to find someone who is half-decent who just wants to become friends with benefits. This is all you have to do at this point (throw in a wink if you’re brave). So, now that you know where you each stand, and if she finds you attractive, you should end up in the sack shortly. A couple of one liners, preferably with a compliment slipped in there, wouldn’t go astray (avoid this strategy if you’re a lousy comedian). Basically, you want to take her home and show her what she would be missing out on if she didn’t see you again.
Set the standard
Chances are you will meet this potential friend with benefits at a party, while you’re out with other friends, drinking, and having a good time. You can’t force this relationship; it will either happen on its own or it won’t. It isn’t something you can trick or cajole anyone into. It’s a mutual decision that’s made over the course of weeks or months. When you do start sleeping together, it will probably be on the weekends, and you’ll both know that it is what it is -- and it will simply continue. The difference between a friend with benefits and a one-night stand is the magic phrase “I don’t want a girlfriend/boyfriend,” -- and smooth legs every time. As long as that is crystal clear, nothing much can go wrong.
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Unfortunately, old sexual standards ensure that the friends-with-benefits choice isn’t really yours at the end of the day. The woman, as usual, gets to call the shots (assuming you have done your footwork). All you can do is make sure she knows that you’re willing, ready and able. This entails giving straightforward clues as to your wishes and desires to be friends with benefits.
The rules of being friends with benefits must be mutually agreeable, because if one of you isn’t getting what you want, the relationship is worthless. If one of you starts to have feelings for the other -- well you can deal with that when and if the time comes, but remember there are many things to consider when approaching a potential friend for benefits.
How do I get a friend with benefits?
Friends with benefits are sometimes very hard to find. This is because it takes an open and sexual person who is in a particular stage of their life to be up for it. You get to have a friend with benefits by asking for it indirectly -- subtlety is the key.
Test the waters
When you think that you have met a suitable ”friend,” find out where she is in her life. Lack of appropriate relationship material or a recent break up, priorities in travel or a career or simply enjoying ones freedom are all reasons why people may want to become friends with benefits and avoid the ”I love you” disclaimer. So, the conversations that you have with her should be about her attitudes toward sex, relationships (and the typical dramas that accompany them), being single and how you both find it, etc. It should be fairly easy to tell if she is open about sex, if she misses having regular sex, and if she is keen for some company.
Your next move will be to tell her about you, in charming, but not uncertain terms. Ensure that she knows you are definitely not looking for a girlfriend and that you find it such a shame that it’s so hard to find someone who is half-decent who just wants to become friends with benefits. This is all you have to do at this point (throw in a wink if you’re brave). So, now that you know where you each stand, and if she finds you attractive, you should end up in the sack shortly. A couple of one liners, preferably with a compliment slipped in there, wouldn’t go astray (avoid this strategy if you’re a lousy comedian). Basically, you want to take her home and show her what she would be missing out on if she didn’t see you again.
Set the standard
Chances are you will meet this potential friend with benefits at a party, while you’re out with other friends, drinking, and having a good time. You can’t force this relationship; it will either happen on its own or it won’t. It isn’t something you can trick or cajole anyone into. It’s a mutual decision that’s made over the course of weeks or months. When you do start sleeping together, it will probably be on the weekends, and you’ll both know that it is what it is -- and it will simply continue. The difference between a friend with benefits and a one-night stand is the magic phrase “I don’t want a girlfriend/boyfriend,” -- and smooth legs every time. As long as that is crystal clear, nothing much can go wrong.
Discuss Add this link to... Bury
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